[ The Corporate Philosophy at Zero Per Gallon (ZPG) ]

As the CE/BB (Chief Executive/Big Banana) at ZPG, Jonny5 works proactively 24/7/365 to competitively leverage ZPG’s core competencies by optimizing end-to-end value propositions that maximize ultradynamic, real-time partnerships with financially-responsive clients. In order to actionably capitalize on such mission-critical synergies, ZPG integrates consumer-driven, multi-function networks in the actionization of innovation-driven, logic-based, value-added solutions, enabling and empowering stakeholders to successfully monetize executable functionality while also upgrading their own account stability. How? By utilizing customized, out-of-the-box technology; facilitating up-level, cross-platform, scalable communication systems; synchronizing robust, impactful, market-tested functionality with consumer demand; and incentivizing action-oriented, self-actualized, win-win transactions. ZPG’s diversified, community-based operational approach is highly competitive, virtually guaranteeing that ZPG will continue to grow its bottom-line market-capitalization during forseeable and unforseeable short- and long-term future temporal occasions. The bottom line: ZPG is the most robust site in the goatless space.

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[ Praise for Zero Per Gallon (ZPG) ]

“ZPG rekindles a lot of old memories. Like that one time at band camp when there was this goat….”
-Kevin

“I always start my day with ZPG, because it’s grammatically perfect, and I need that kind of thing.”
-Justin

“I was totally like, Why does this dude hate goats, you know? And then, like, I saw he was, like, REALLY into bikes and it, like, TOTALLY made sense to me. I mean, like, DUH — goats can’t ride bikes, cause, like, they’ve got cloven hooves, you know?”
-Liz

“ZPG is so raw and powerful that you don’t even need to know what the letters stand for.”
-Matthew

“ZPG is like internet porn, but without all the goats.”
-Dan

“Whenever I think of ZPG, I get little spasms. Right above the peach fuzz.”
-Jon

“ZPG stole my virginity. But I still love it.”
-Jeff

“I’ve been to a lot of goatless sites, but ZPG is by far the goatlessiest. That’s impressive.”
-James

“ZPG is hard-hitting — like a metaphorical punch in the face. Literally.”
-Lee

“Since I’ve started checking out ZPG, I haven’t aged at all!”
-Ben

“ZPG is my favorite site, and probably one of the world’s 100,000 most popular bicycling blogs. Unless blogs are popular in China, in which case ZPG has no chance.”
-Daniel

“Until I found ZPG, I had a goat problem. But not anymore — ZPG is like kryptonite for goats. Thanks!”
-Nancy

“ZPG? Like, as in ‘Zero Population Growth?’ Oh, you have a webpage? That’s nice.”
-Benton

“For all its concern with bikes, ZPG is actually seeking out the nature of man. That’s what keeps me coming back.”
-Brian

“ZPG is the single most significant webpage on the internet, putting such paltry endeavors as Google’s web search or Wikipedia’s online encyclopedia in their rightful place as mere novelties. What minimal impact they leave on the planet on their way towards the sucking black hole that consumes most internet start-ups will soon be overshadowed and completely forgotten in the wake of ZPG and the incredible awesomeness of the material contained therein.”
-Ben