A PRAYER FOR BICYCLISTS

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I beseech You, Lord of the Velorution,

Give us this day our daily burrito and restore our leg muscles, such that our godly bicycle riding can continue gracefully and safely under Thy protection, Amen.

May You not allow our rears not grow numb nor sore nor weary, nor allow our joints to become weak nor misaligned nor inflamed, nor allow our muscles to become hot nor achy nor spent nor any other condition but strong and limber;

May You provide clean, fresh air to pass through our mouths and throats and lungs, such that they not burn nor parch nor become otherwise weary;

May You protect our bicycles from squeaky brakes, broken chains, loose headsets, misaligned gears, and other pestilent mechanical troubles;

May You keep our wheels true and round, and our tires inflated;

May You keep the pavement, in its durable glory, smooth and dry and free of sand and leaves and pebbles and broken glass and puddles and potholes and other such vexations of the modern world, and keep our lanes sufficiently wide and well marked;

May You protect our bikes from thieves and villains;

May You remind us of those who have fallen, and encourage us to assist fellow riders in need;

May You not let us stray from steel nor let us be tempted by fancy shamncy carbon-fiber gizmos nor let us purchase bicycles from giant, soul-less chain stores;

May You forgive those drivers who know not yet the beauty of the bike and punish those drivers who swerve, honk, ignore, threaten, or otherwise beguile us;

May You give us grace and speed and agility; and illuminate our paths for us;

May You lend us tailwinds on our passages; and provide for us vast, sweeping, stunning terrain to traverse such that only a god like You could create;

May You provide smooth, delicious ale to soothe us once we have arrived at our destinations;

May You heed all of our humble requests, and take these evil sacrificial goats as evidence of our bodily devotion to the bicycle;

Amen.